This was an exercise from my creative writing class. Object was to write a short piece on a line our instructor had given us without using the line.
The assignment was to be half a page long.
Can you guess what the line is?/How did I do?
Betty slowly unlocked the back door. She had to be quiet for her curfew was 11pm and it was now 2am. As she started to cross the kitchen her foot bumped into the corner chair, causing it to fall and making a loud resonating sound. ” Is that you Betty?” yelled her mother from the other room. “Yes mama” she answered. Before she could come up with a plausible excuse her mom Sally walked in. Betty saw Sally raise her hand up high. “Please mama I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.” Betty had barely finished when she felt a stinging sensation on her face. It had happened so fast she wasn’t sure it had even occurred. The throbbing pain made Betty aware it had. Looking in the mirror on the wall next to her, Betty saw a dark red blotch on her face. It had the outline of her mother’s hand on it. This was the first time Betty had ever experienced this. Looking at her daughter Sally just glared. “I told you if you were late one more time there would be consequences. Let this be the last time this happens.” “Yes mama” Betty mumbled.
2 thoughts on “Sensory Exercise”
I don’t know what the one line was, but you did a great job showing & not telling. That’s one of the biggest sins of a writer, and one of the most helpful self-editing tips. Show, don’t tell!
The line was a mother slapping her daughter on the face for the very first time. Thanks Tiffany for taking the time to read and comment on it.